Some beauty problems can’t be fixed.

Ever since I grew up, I haven’t been able to wear headbands. Fabric ones like we rocked in the ’80s, perhaps — but not the cute hard plastic ones that other girls can sport. Why, you ask? Because I have a giant head.

Yep, hats almost never fit me unless they’re adjustable or made for men, and headbands just don’t work on me. I even bought one a few months ago and dipped it into boiling water to try and re-mold it into a head-friendly shape — all I got was carcinogenic-smelling water and a misshapen headband that still didn’t work on my head.

So imagine my joy when I came across this nifty new headband with flexible tips, designed so that the bottom bits can be bent so that they don’t stab into your giant cranium behind your ears. I think I giggled out loud in Target, I was so delighted. But guess what?

IT DOESN’T FIT. The part BEFORE where the tips become flexible is still too tight on my skull. CURSE YOU, GOODY! Please don’t ever consider making a line of plus-sized clothing — I hate to think of what you’d do to a gal’s self-esteem in that department!

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