Stupid Cargo’s stupid new packaging

I’ve been eyeing Cargo’s stupid, long-winded new lip gloss (aka blu_ray™ High Definition Lip Gloss with Timestrip® Technology) for a while now.

Not because of the name or the stupid gimmicky time strip crap or the amazing BLU-RAY plumping power (WTF? There is absolutely nothing “blu-ray” about it), but because the Panama shade PERFECTLY matches exactly what I’ve been searching for in a gloss — just a shade darker and pinker than my lips, with no shimmer. But because my fiancé cannot stand kissing my beglossed lips, I haven’t been very spendy in the goopy lip color department. A free gift certificate, however, was just what I needed to push me over the edge and splurge.

Well, I must say I have mixed reviews. First of all, I preemptively hated the idea of the stupid time strip from the get go, and I was not wrong to judge this book by its cover. The whole idea is that it’s a ‘freshness indicator’, but here’s the thing — either this thing dips into your gloss to check its freshness, thereby breaking the seal and allowing germs IN and making it go bad even faster, or it doesn’t actually test the real product at all and is just a stupid extra hoaxy hoax hoax. Grr.

Beyond that, the packaging is just annoying… check it out! You get way less gloss than the tube size indicates, because the test tube with actual gloss is encased in an outer shell, from which it immediately became detached. And now whenever I try to open it, the test tube spins uselessly inside the casing, so I have to pull it out and look like I’m doing a science experiment on my lips.

Which I kind of am, because man, that plumping technology is WEIRD. And tastes BAD. And TINGLES. And doesn’t really plump, so is generally just kind of annoying all around.

Sigh. At least it’s minty (and at least it was free for me). One reluctant star.
*1/16/10 ETA — UGH! This stuff started to leak all out of the tube where the join is with the cap. I took it to Sephora to exchange it for a new pristine one, but 1) they’re all on clearance because I guess they’re no longer carrying Cargo products, and 2) the tube for which I was trying to swap it started leaking gloss all over too, even though the casing hadn’t come off. No wonder they’re being discontinued! Save your money.